8 weeks later, and I am finally getting around to documenting the arrival of our sweet Margo Mae. Four kids is no joke, but exhaustion, chaos and a child constantly needing my attention is slowly but surely becoming our new normal, and today I not only blogged, but got my kids to do chores, played outside in the water with them, and helped a friend who is moving clean her house. So basically I won today, but tomorrow will likely be another story.
On Wednesday, June 1st, I made it to my final prenatal appointment. I was less than thrilled to be there, because that meant there was still a baby inside me. Typically the doctor doesn't check me since I have c-sections, but I just had to know if all those two hour contraction sessions were doing anything for me. I asked if he would strip my membranes, but he said I was still too early (38 weeks). Of course I wasn't dilated much of anything, so I left feeling a bit disappointed, but trying to remember the end was in fact near.
At this point I had decided that baby girl needed to come by Saturday or just wait until the c-section on June 9th. The big girls had their dance recital on June 7th, and I was hoping to either be out of the hospital with a sweet newborn or still super pregnant so I could go. So after a day spent with the kids and friends at Bass Lake on Thursday, I decided that the next day I would finally make it to the grocery store and take the girls to go visit dad at work to fill up our final day before Nana Joni would arrive.
Friday morning at the grocery store the girls talked me into using the giant, 50 pound car cart. Add to that 100 pounds of children and 50 pounds of groceries, and I sent my sisters a text letting them know that if pushing 200 pounds around the grocery store didn't put me into labor, than nothing would. An interesting side note--I started labor with Eliza 4 1/2 years before while at the grocery store, although at the time I had no idea that's what it was. Towards the end of the trip and as we drove to Ryan's office, I was feeling tired and sore, but figured that was to be expected considering my current condition and the activity of the previous hour. We had lunch and visited with Ryan for a bit, and on the way home I seemed to feel a few harder contractions. Throughout the rest of the afternoon and evening they continued to come and go, but around 6:00 I decided it was time for dinner. When I had Ivy they gave me a hard time about eating so soon before surgery, so I was trying not to eat just in case I really was in labor, but then I realized that was stupid because I was starving and what if I actually wasn't in labor, because that was most likely how things would play out. So around 6:00 we ate our BLTs and decided to go get snow cones and walk the canyon. While we were at the snow cone stand I had a few painful ones, and after about twenty minutes on the canyon I told Ryan we should probably head home because things were becoming a bit more consistent. As soon as we got home I had another strong and painful contraction, and decided to start timing them. So I waited and waited and after 30 minutes I hadn't had another single contraction. At this point it was about 8:30 pm and frustration was setting in. I leaned over the kitchen counter to turn off the app that was timing my seemingly non-existent contractions, and I suddenly felt a small gush. I was surprised at the sensation, but not completely shocked that at 9 months pregnant I could possibly pee my pants, so I went into the bathroom and changed. I had a strong contraction a few minutes later.
About twenty minutes after that initial gush, I bent over and experienced another. That's when I first thought that maybe something else was going on here. I called Ryan into the bathroom and explained the situation. He was pretty convinced right away that it was my water breaking, but I still wasn't sure. Funny enough, I had been saying during my entire pregnancy that I hoped my water would break. With this likely being our last baby, it was just a part of labor that I hadn't yet experienced, and wanted the chance to see what that was like. Plus I thought I would know for sure that I was in labor and that it was time to go to the hospital. Well, according to Ryan my water seemed to be breaking, but it wasn't at all like I thought it would be, and instead of being sure it was baby time, I sat in our bathroom debating on if we should go to the hospital or not. We called his mom, we called my mom, and then suddenly the contractions were feeling a lot stronger and getting a lot closer together. That's when I called my friend Rachel to come hang out on our couch for the evening.
Ivy was in bed, but the big girls caught wind of what was happening and couldn't believe their baby sister might be coming soon. I went in to say goodnight and goodbye, and after bending down to give Eliza a kiss experienced the largest gush of all, immediately followed by three intense contractions that came one right after another. That's when I knew it was definitely time to go. Rachel arrived, we gathered our things and we were off to hopefully have a baby.
We checked into our room around 9:30, and the nurse decided to test and see if my bag of waters had really been broken. Either she didn't know what she was doing (and after failing to place my IV, I wonder if that was the case), or my water hadn't broken quite enough yet, but the test came back inconclusive. That worried me a little bit, because I was afraid that no water breaking meant I might be getting sent home. Next it was time to check for dilation, and thankfully I was a little over a 1. At this point there was still some debate as to whether baby was head down (doctor's guess after feeling my stomach earlier in the week) or breech (my guess after carrying three other breech babies for 9+ months). When the nurse checked me she thought she was feeling a bum, although it really didn't matter too much since I was having a c-section either way. Consistent contractions plus the fact I hadn't been dilated at all only two days earlier, made the nurse sure this was the real deal, and she went off to call the doctor.
The hour that followed consisted of IVs being placed (twice!), text updates to family (Nana Joni was on her way!), lots of talk about the fact that I had eaten only a few hours prior (I knew I should have starved myself!), and the most intense contractions I have ever felt. You know how they say contractions are more intense after your water breaks? I would definitely agree! I remember telling Ryan in the middle of it that I remembered labor being more fun than this…
Initially the doctor was going to take his time due to the whole eating-three-hours-ago thing, but around 11:00 the nurse could tell I was feeling pretty miserable and checked me again to see that I was now a 3+. With that news she called the doc and got the show on the road.
I was wheeled into the OR at 11:45pm, and they got things started right away. The placement of the spinal went really well, quick and easy and not too painful. They got me down on the bed and I remember thinking I wasn't getting numb quite as fast as the previous times. I could tell the contractions were lessening in intensity, but it just seemed to take a little longer to feel completely numb. The nurse inserted my catheter and confirmed my water had definitely broken and was sure that's why my contractions had felt so much stronger.
Soon the drape was up and the Dr. Smith was at my side. Even after having two babies in less than two years with the same large group practice, I had yet to meet Dr. Smith. He seemed nice enough, and I really liked his glasses, but mostly I didn't really care who was standing next to me at that point as long they got my baby here quickly and safely. They started testing to see how numb I was, and all went well until their last poke which I seemed to feel. I started getting really scared and yelling at them that I could feel the last poke, but they seemed calm and told me they would give me a shot of Lidocaine in that spot and it should be fine. I was skeptical and starting to feel panicked, especially because Ryan wasn't there yet. He walked in right as they were testing me again and all seemed to be well this time, but I was still nervous. Soon, however; they were well underway and I was doing my best to talk to Ryan and take my focus off what was happening behind the curtain. It felt like they tugged and pulled forever, but at 12:11 am our fourth breech baby girl emerged and we heard the first sounds from our Margo Mae.
Ryan went to the other side of the room to watch her get weighed, measured and wrapped up, while I stayed in place and the medical team put me back together. While I was on the table still mostly immobile, I could overhear them chatting about the state of my uterus and heard Dr. Smith say, "It's a mess in here!" Once again the nerves surfaced and my mind instantly raced to visions of hysterectomies and more. The CRNA was standing by my side and I asked him if everything was okay. Dr. Smith chimed in that things were fine, but that my uterus was getting very thin below my incision line and at that moment basically said he didn't recommend any more c-sections for me. We have felt like Margo is our last, but hadn't officially closed the door on the idea to one more babe. In that moment I felt like the door was closed for me, but I think it's hard to process those feelings four minutes after having a baby.
Soon Ryan was back at my side carrying the cutest little bundle of blankets and cheeks. His first words were, "She's a little chub!" so I was sure she was the 8 pound baby I had been having nightmares about my entire pregnancy. In reality she was only 6 pounds, 10 ounces and 18.5 inches--the biggest of all our babies, but certainly still smaller than average. They let me put her skin to skin while they finished things up on the other side, and while I was grateful and loved getting to be so close to her so soon, I was getting the shakes from the anesthesia and thanks to my awkward position was feeling like I might drop her at any second. Ryan took her back and held her while they finished sewing me up and we listened to the CRNA talk way too much about himself. I was getting just slightly annoyed by the guy and his life history.
We finally made it into the recovery room around 1:00 am with baby Margo in tow. It was so nice to be able to have her with us the entire time! We started skin to skin right away, and she latched on easily for her fist feeding. They finally wheeled us up to our postpartum room around 2:00, and it didn't take long for our first visitor to show up around 2:30. Nana Joni had arrived at our house, and couldn't wait knowing her newest grand baby was sleeping only two blocks away. She came and sat with us for about an hour before going home and leaving us to rest. I am not sure how much rest I really got that first night, but I know it wasn't much. I couldn't stop staring at my newest baby girl, and I think in the first 48 hours of her life I accumulated a total of four hours of sleep. But oh how the exhaustion is worth those first sacred moments of getting reacquainted.
I thought she looked just like Ivy, and I couldn't get over it. For the first couple of weeks we joked that they were actually supposed to be twins, but there was a mix-up and they ended up coming 18 months apart. I whispered in her ear about her amazing daddy, and the big sisters, grandmas and grandpas who she would be meeting and who would help her in this life. I asked her about Papa Scott and how I hoped she was with him before she came. I remember around 5:00 am the nurse took her to get a bath, and about an hour later she brought back the most alert little lady wearing a handmade pink beanie. The early morning sunlight was streaming through our window, daddy was sleeping on the couch bed next to us, and Margo and I just stared at one another. The room was full of peace, and I knew that even though she wasn't quite in the plan, she was exactly what we needed.
Big sisters, grandmas, grandpas and aunts showed up around noon to meet everyone's newest obsession. I just sat in amazement as I watched the reunion between the four little ladies we had created. I also felt slightly overwhelmed at the sheer number of children before me, who I would one day soon be caring for all on my own. I'm not sure how a single six pound baby made my posterity feel like it multiplied by 10, but in that moment four kids seemed like the most anyone had ever had in the history of the world.
The rest of the day was filled with checkups and vitals and hearing tests for baby Margo. She actually did not pass her first hearing test, and I was feeling a lot of stress about it. The girls were visiting and having lunch with Ryan downstairs during the test, so Stella overheard that she didn't pass and it seemed to cause her some anxiety. She kept asking me about it, and we told her Margo would be retested in the morning and all should be fine. My mom said that as soon as she woke up on Sunday morning she asked if Margo had taken her test and if she passed. That sweet big sister has a lot of love for the little girls that look up to her so much. Apparently it is fairly common for babies to not pass the first screening, and thankfully Sunday morning Margo finally passed!
Dr. Smith came to check on me, and we were able to talk in more detail about my lovely uterus. Basically my first c-section incision was done fairly low on my uterus. When it comes to aesthetics, that was a great spot because it was low and could easily be covered up. Honestly not that big of a deal for someone like me, but still a perk, I suppose. Because they do the c-section on the same incision site every single time, my uterus is becoming very thin from constantly trying to pull it from the bottom and reattach it. It's also obviously getting more scar tissue and getting closer to causing possible complications with my bladder and otherwise. Dr. Smith talked about how my c-section should have been quick and easy based on my health, size, number of pregnancies, etc., but instead it was quite complicated for him. He was grateful that it hadn't been an emergency situation, because he said he would have surely gone through my bladder. Not a life-threatening complication by any means, but a complication nonetheless. He had done a lady's sixth c-section the night before, and in his words that one should have been the difficult one, but instead mine was certainly the more complex of the two. In the end, he felt that he did get the uterus put back together sufficient enough for me to have another baby if we really felt that was right for our family. He would recommend a completely new (and higher) incision site if that is what we decided to do, so that fact along with a few other, very serious complications that can come along with an increase in c-sections, will definitely cause us to prayerfully and earnestly consider a fifth baby if and when that time comes.
We technically could have stayed in the hospital until Monday, but by Sunday morning I was ready to get out of that hospital bed and home to the party that awaited us. And it literally was a party. Nana Joni, Nana Teresa and Aunt Shag helped the big sisters make welcome home posters, buy gifts and have treats all ready for baby Margo to be welcomed home with. The rest of the day was spent chatting with a few visitors (including Devri who assumed we were still in the hospital and showed up there first) and a nap for this exhausted mama. I remember waking up from that first two full hours of sleep I had experienced in days to the sounds of big girls playing outside in the sprinklers and the voices of so many people that I loved. It was a comforting sound and reassured me that I could face the crazy ahead.
The next few days were filled dress rehearsals, first doctor appointments for Margo (that the hospital scheduled with the wrong doctor which caused us to have to make a new appointment for later in the day), FIVE HOURS of dance recitals (yes, I sat through them all with a newborn and three-day post c-section body), softball games for daddy, and lots of snuggles. Thank goodness for our team, because I'm not sure we would have survived those first days of newborn fog without them.
Four different times I have carried a baby in body for 9+ months. Four times I have heard that first cry from behind a blue sheet. I have experienced first looks, first kisses and first feedings four times over. We have brought a newborn into the house on four different occasions, along with all their diaper changes, spit up, newborn squeaks, and snuggles. And every single time it changes me for the better. The love grows, the joy increases and I become more and more aware that it takes a village to do this parenthood thing. And we are ever grateful for the village that helped us welcome our Margo Mae.
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| Homemade jewelry courtesy Stella and Eliza. |
Friday morning at the grocery store the girls talked me into using the giant, 50 pound car cart. Add to that 100 pounds of children and 50 pounds of groceries, and I sent my sisters a text letting them know that if pushing 200 pounds around the grocery store didn't put me into labor, than nothing would. An interesting side note--I started labor with Eliza 4 1/2 years before while at the grocery store, although at the time I had no idea that's what it was. Towards the end of the trip and as we drove to Ryan's office, I was feeling tired and sore, but figured that was to be expected considering my current condition and the activity of the previous hour. We had lunch and visited with Ryan for a bit, and on the way home I seemed to feel a few harder contractions. Throughout the rest of the afternoon and evening they continued to come and go, but around 6:00 I decided it was time for dinner. When I had Ivy they gave me a hard time about eating so soon before surgery, so I was trying not to eat just in case I really was in labor, but then I realized that was stupid because I was starving and what if I actually wasn't in labor, because that was most likely how things would play out. So around 6:00 we ate our BLTs and decided to go get snow cones and walk the canyon. While we were at the snow cone stand I had a few painful ones, and after about twenty minutes on the canyon I told Ryan we should probably head home because things were becoming a bit more consistent. As soon as we got home I had another strong and painful contraction, and decided to start timing them. So I waited and waited and after 30 minutes I hadn't had another single contraction. At this point it was about 8:30 pm and frustration was setting in. I leaned over the kitchen counter to turn off the app that was timing my seemingly non-existent contractions, and I suddenly felt a small gush. I was surprised at the sensation, but not completely shocked that at 9 months pregnant I could possibly pee my pants, so I went into the bathroom and changed. I had a strong contraction a few minutes later.
About twenty minutes after that initial gush, I bent over and experienced another. That's when I first thought that maybe something else was going on here. I called Ryan into the bathroom and explained the situation. He was pretty convinced right away that it was my water breaking, but I still wasn't sure. Funny enough, I had been saying during my entire pregnancy that I hoped my water would break. With this likely being our last baby, it was just a part of labor that I hadn't yet experienced, and wanted the chance to see what that was like. Plus I thought I would know for sure that I was in labor and that it was time to go to the hospital. Well, according to Ryan my water seemed to be breaking, but it wasn't at all like I thought it would be, and instead of being sure it was baby time, I sat in our bathroom debating on if we should go to the hospital or not. We called his mom, we called my mom, and then suddenly the contractions were feeling a lot stronger and getting a lot closer together. That's when I called my friend Rachel to come hang out on our couch for the evening.
Ivy was in bed, but the big girls caught wind of what was happening and couldn't believe their baby sister might be coming soon. I went in to say goodnight and goodbye, and after bending down to give Eliza a kiss experienced the largest gush of all, immediately followed by three intense contractions that came one right after another. That's when I knew it was definitely time to go. Rachel arrived, we gathered our things and we were off to hopefully have a baby.
We checked into our room around 9:30, and the nurse decided to test and see if my bag of waters had really been broken. Either she didn't know what she was doing (and after failing to place my IV, I wonder if that was the case), or my water hadn't broken quite enough yet, but the test came back inconclusive. That worried me a little bit, because I was afraid that no water breaking meant I might be getting sent home. Next it was time to check for dilation, and thankfully I was a little over a 1. At this point there was still some debate as to whether baby was head down (doctor's guess after feeling my stomach earlier in the week) or breech (my guess after carrying three other breech babies for 9+ months). When the nurse checked me she thought she was feeling a bum, although it really didn't matter too much since I was having a c-section either way. Consistent contractions plus the fact I hadn't been dilated at all only two days earlier, made the nurse sure this was the real deal, and she went off to call the doctor.
The hour that followed consisted of IVs being placed (twice!), text updates to family (Nana Joni was on her way!), lots of talk about the fact that I had eaten only a few hours prior (I knew I should have starved myself!), and the most intense contractions I have ever felt. You know how they say contractions are more intense after your water breaks? I would definitely agree! I remember telling Ryan in the middle of it that I remembered labor being more fun than this…
Initially the doctor was going to take his time due to the whole eating-three-hours-ago thing, but around 11:00 the nurse could tell I was feeling pretty miserable and checked me again to see that I was now a 3+. With that news she called the doc and got the show on the road.
I was wheeled into the OR at 11:45pm, and they got things started right away. The placement of the spinal went really well, quick and easy and not too painful. They got me down on the bed and I remember thinking I wasn't getting numb quite as fast as the previous times. I could tell the contractions were lessening in intensity, but it just seemed to take a little longer to feel completely numb. The nurse inserted my catheter and confirmed my water had definitely broken and was sure that's why my contractions had felt so much stronger.
Soon the drape was up and the Dr. Smith was at my side. Even after having two babies in less than two years with the same large group practice, I had yet to meet Dr. Smith. He seemed nice enough, and I really liked his glasses, but mostly I didn't really care who was standing next to me at that point as long they got my baby here quickly and safely. They started testing to see how numb I was, and all went well until their last poke which I seemed to feel. I started getting really scared and yelling at them that I could feel the last poke, but they seemed calm and told me they would give me a shot of Lidocaine in that spot and it should be fine. I was skeptical and starting to feel panicked, especially because Ryan wasn't there yet. He walked in right as they were testing me again and all seemed to be well this time, but I was still nervous. Soon, however; they were well underway and I was doing my best to talk to Ryan and take my focus off what was happening behind the curtain. It felt like they tugged and pulled forever, but at 12:11 am our fourth breech baby girl emerged and we heard the first sounds from our Margo Mae.
Ryan went to the other side of the room to watch her get weighed, measured and wrapped up, while I stayed in place and the medical team put me back together. While I was on the table still mostly immobile, I could overhear them chatting about the state of my uterus and heard Dr. Smith say, "It's a mess in here!" Once again the nerves surfaced and my mind instantly raced to visions of hysterectomies and more. The CRNA was standing by my side and I asked him if everything was okay. Dr. Smith chimed in that things were fine, but that my uterus was getting very thin below my incision line and at that moment basically said he didn't recommend any more c-sections for me. We have felt like Margo is our last, but hadn't officially closed the door on the idea to one more babe. In that moment I felt like the door was closed for me, but I think it's hard to process those feelings four minutes after having a baby.
Soon Ryan was back at my side carrying the cutest little bundle of blankets and cheeks. His first words were, "She's a little chub!" so I was sure she was the 8 pound baby I had been having nightmares about my entire pregnancy. In reality she was only 6 pounds, 10 ounces and 18.5 inches--the biggest of all our babies, but certainly still smaller than average. They let me put her skin to skin while they finished things up on the other side, and while I was grateful and loved getting to be so close to her so soon, I was getting the shakes from the anesthesia and thanks to my awkward position was feeling like I might drop her at any second. Ryan took her back and held her while they finished sewing me up and we listened to the CRNA talk way too much about himself. I was getting just slightly annoyed by the guy and his life history.
We finally made it into the recovery room around 1:00 am with baby Margo in tow. It was so nice to be able to have her with us the entire time! We started skin to skin right away, and she latched on easily for her fist feeding. They finally wheeled us up to our postpartum room around 2:00, and it didn't take long for our first visitor to show up around 2:30. Nana Joni had arrived at our house, and couldn't wait knowing her newest grand baby was sleeping only two blocks away. She came and sat with us for about an hour before going home and leaving us to rest. I am not sure how much rest I really got that first night, but I know it wasn't much. I couldn't stop staring at my newest baby girl, and I think in the first 48 hours of her life I accumulated a total of four hours of sleep. But oh how the exhaustion is worth those first sacred moments of getting reacquainted.
I thought she looked just like Ivy, and I couldn't get over it. For the first couple of weeks we joked that they were actually supposed to be twins, but there was a mix-up and they ended up coming 18 months apart. I whispered in her ear about her amazing daddy, and the big sisters, grandmas and grandpas who she would be meeting and who would help her in this life. I asked her about Papa Scott and how I hoped she was with him before she came. I remember around 5:00 am the nurse took her to get a bath, and about an hour later she brought back the most alert little lady wearing a handmade pink beanie. The early morning sunlight was streaming through our window, daddy was sleeping on the couch bed next to us, and Margo and I just stared at one another. The room was full of peace, and I knew that even though she wasn't quite in the plan, she was exactly what we needed.
Big sisters, grandmas, grandpas and aunts showed up around noon to meet everyone's newest obsession. I just sat in amazement as I watched the reunion between the four little ladies we had created. I also felt slightly overwhelmed at the sheer number of children before me, who I would one day soon be caring for all on my own. I'm not sure how a single six pound baby made my posterity feel like it multiplied by 10, but in that moment four kids seemed like the most anyone had ever had in the history of the world.
Dr. Smith came to check on me, and we were able to talk in more detail about my lovely uterus. Basically my first c-section incision was done fairly low on my uterus. When it comes to aesthetics, that was a great spot because it was low and could easily be covered up. Honestly not that big of a deal for someone like me, but still a perk, I suppose. Because they do the c-section on the same incision site every single time, my uterus is becoming very thin from constantly trying to pull it from the bottom and reattach it. It's also obviously getting more scar tissue and getting closer to causing possible complications with my bladder and otherwise. Dr. Smith talked about how my c-section should have been quick and easy based on my health, size, number of pregnancies, etc., but instead it was quite complicated for him. He was grateful that it hadn't been an emergency situation, because he said he would have surely gone through my bladder. Not a life-threatening complication by any means, but a complication nonetheless. He had done a lady's sixth c-section the night before, and in his words that one should have been the difficult one, but instead mine was certainly the more complex of the two. In the end, he felt that he did get the uterus put back together sufficient enough for me to have another baby if we really felt that was right for our family. He would recommend a completely new (and higher) incision site if that is what we decided to do, so that fact along with a few other, very serious complications that can come along with an increase in c-sections, will definitely cause us to prayerfully and earnestly consider a fifth baby if and when that time comes.
We technically could have stayed in the hospital until Monday, but by Sunday morning I was ready to get out of that hospital bed and home to the party that awaited us. And it literally was a party. Nana Joni, Nana Teresa and Aunt Shag helped the big sisters make welcome home posters, buy gifts and have treats all ready for baby Margo to be welcomed home with. The rest of the day was spent chatting with a few visitors (including Devri who assumed we were still in the hospital and showed up there first) and a nap for this exhausted mama. I remember waking up from that first two full hours of sleep I had experienced in days to the sounds of big girls playing outside in the sprinklers and the voices of so many people that I loved. It was a comforting sound and reassured me that I could face the crazy ahead.
The next few days were filled dress rehearsals, first doctor appointments for Margo (that the hospital scheduled with the wrong doctor which caused us to have to make a new appointment for later in the day), FIVE HOURS of dance recitals (yes, I sat through them all with a newborn and three-day post c-section body), softball games for daddy, and lots of snuggles. Thank goodness for our team, because I'm not sure we would have survived those first days of newborn fog without them.
4 comments:
I loved this post! Her story made me so excited for our next one! I actually loved the whole birth part- it's amazing to finally meet the little princess you worked so hard to grow for 9 months. I love that you said you liked your doctor's glasses haha! And I only have one kid and yesterday I felt like it was the most kids in the history of the world so I can't imagine 4 hahaha! You're a rockstar! And Margo is just perfect and adorable- just like all of your girls! Also, not eating is the worst part!
Tar! What a special day and special girl! I'm glad you're adjusting and have good days here and there. She is so lucky to have your village and I can't wait to watch her grow!
What a perfect baby! And the sweetest story! Thanks for sharing!
I love the special details you include, like you talking to Margo on the day she was born and telling her about her family and asking her about Papa Scot. So sweet! Those first few weeks with a newborn are truly magical and lifechanging--nothing like it. Reading about it *almost* made me want to try for another ASAP. But not quite! Ha!
xoxox!
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