Overdue

29 weeks // 30.5 weeks // 32 weeks // 35.5 weeks

Today I am 37 weeks and 4 days pregnant.  I haven't been this pregnant for a while, and the truth is I didn't expect to be this pregnant now.  The last week and a half have been a little rough.  I wasn't prepared for the mental battle that comes with feeling overdue, even if I'm feeling that way at only 36.5 weeks pregnant.  Stella didn't arrive until 39 weeks 2 days, but since she was a planned c-section and we lived far from family in Ohio, that perfectly scheduled arrival worked out quite well for everyone.  With Eliza and Ivy, I wasn't even starting to consider the possibility that they could come, so I feel like I've never really played the waiting game before now.  This time around I was just set up for failure.  Thankfully, up until now it has been more difficult mentally than exhausting physically.  However the last few days have been full of contractions coming and going for an hour at a time, only to fizzle out and do nothing, and a long weekend full of what we hoped were baby-inducing activities like cleaning out the garage, assembling and jumping on a tramp, lots of walks and even hiking.  But instead of a baby, I just got a tired and sore baby.  But tomorrow the countdown hits single digits--9 days (or less! Haha, I can't help myself) until our sweet girl will be here, and I know that will come fast, even when it feels like it won't.  So I'm trying to stay positive and enjoy these last few days, days that may be my last as a pregnant mama and that are for sure our last as a family of five.

It feels like this entire pregnancy has been a bit of a mental journey.  Much more so than any of the others.  Accepting the fact that I was even pregnant, that we were welcoming another girl, that Ivy would no longer be the baby, and that this could possibly be the piece that completes our family have all been things that have taken a toll on my mind and emotions.  Now the waiting game seems to be the final test of my mental stability, and I'm not sure I am passing.  But I think that's pregnancy for you.  It is so long and so very demanding, both physically and mentally.  The end is hard no matter when you deliver or how much weight you gain, and as much as you want it to be over and to meet the sweet spirit that awaits, it's also the most terrifying feeling anticipating the unknown.

But whether she comes tomorrow or next week, I think we are ready. The bags are packed, the bassinet is set up and we just need to decide on her middle name.  The big girls can't wait and give her a good pep talk to inspire her to come out and play each night before bed.  They are going to do great with her and I'm not worried at all about the transition for them.  Ivy loves babies and lifting my shirt up to say "baby," so I'm just telling myself that means she will do great, too. Haha.  Really I'm a little scared of how she will react, between throwing her dolls in the car seat, already claiming the bouncer as her own, and finding the binkies that have been designated for baby sister and testing them out just for good measure, it could get interesting.  Basically I just can't let her out of my sight for the next few months.  No big deal.

More than anything I am just ready to stop anticipating the crazy and the unknown, and just let this little babe carve out her piece of my heart and help us forget what life was ever like without her.  I know it will happen, it has three times before, but it's still hard to wrap my mind around something being better than what we've got.  Our little trio of ladies make us unbelievably happy.  So often I look at them playing in the yard or sleeping in their beds, and I feel like we could be complete, just as we are.  Obviously we aren't complete quite yet, so I guess that just means there is even more happiness ahead.