My Most Favorite Age Yet

She's four and a half, and I just can't get enough.  I am sure I have said certain stages were my favorite in the past, but that's because I never had a four and a half year-old.  It's the best!  She is jut the perfect mix of independence and dependence (well, most days), she gets to go to school without leaving me all day everyday, and she plays well on her own but loves a game with mom or stories with dad.  Her excitement for learning gains momentum each day, and she is so very smart and curious.  Her love for other people is evident through her actions, her desire to make friends wherever she goes and her tender heart.  It's official: I'm not letting her grow up.

At four and a half years-old, Stella Rose Palmer is:

Playing: Stella's imagination continues to expand each day, so plenty of restaurant, pet shop and house are being acted out at any given moment.  Stella is usually the mother and takes great pride in bossing around her baby (Eliza) and her servant (me).  She suddenly loves real games, like Candyland and Memory, and can spend many hours playing with her Barbies and Playmobiles.  While she has never had a long-term attachment to a blanket or stuffed animal, lately she seems to find one of her old favorites and become super attached for a day or two before forgetting about it and moving on to the next item.

Singing:  Always dancing, always singing.  She loves to sing along to the hymns in sacrament meeting, which means lots of interesting words and notes mixed in with the correct ones the congregation might be singing.  At bedtime the girls each get to pick one song to sing, and Stella's current favorites seem to be "Book of Mormon Stories," "Let me Call You Sweetheart," or some lovely song she decides to make up there on the spot and sing for her adoring audience.

Eating: Stella is still a great eater.  99% of the time she eats what is offered at meals and is a good sport about trying new things.  Lately she loves pickles, salad with ranch (lettuce only, please!), tomatoes, whole peaches (sliced will not do), popcorn, fruit snacks, jerky and more pickles.  For some reason she no longer likes chicken nuggets unless they are from Chick-fil-a, and has a love/hate relationship with cheese.  

Prepping for dance class picture day || Singing songs to baby sister

An afternoon in the sprinklers is always a favorite || Ready for her recital 

Reading:  Whether we are reading to her or she is doing her best to sound out words, she loves sitting down with a good book.  Our library visits never seem to end with fewer than twenty books in our bag, and she loves looking through the Friend magazine each month.  Thanks to Target's dollar bins we have started reading chapter books with the girls, and are currently enjoying A Little Princess and The Jungle Book.  I'm not completely sure how much is sinking in, but it's fun to watch the girls anticipate reading another chapter each night.

Creating: Give the girl a book of stickers and she can entertain herself for an hour.  The stickers will be gone, but it will have been an hour well spent.  She loves creating pictures full of stickers, random "words" and original artwork to send to her cousins and friends.  Her coloring skills have improved so much over the last year and she loves writing letters to her pen pal, Carly.

Wearing: With school approaching I have been going through Stella's clothes and realizing she has grown eight feet since last fall.  She is so long and lean these days.  She loves to pick out her own clothes and wear dresses as often as allowed.  And I am proud to say my firstborn is finally starting to take more initiative and is actually putting on her own pants.

A little grumpy after wedding pictures || Dance recital fan club

I love her || Posing with mom and dad

Sleeping: While a forced nap is no longer in the cards for this girl, she still manages to occasionally fall asleep watching a movie or on a 4:00 pm car ride.  I'm not too upset by that fact, as she usually falls asleep at bedtime in less than five minutes, even with little sister chatting and singing for over an hour most nights.  The girls love sleeping in the same bedroom, and many nights can be found cuddled up together on the bottom trundle bed.  We have been working hard on nighttime potty training and have had some success.  It's hard to watch Stella want to be able to do something so badly, but see her little body struggle to physically do it. I know it will come in time, and I am proud of the progress our little lady has made.

Anticipating: With September approaching it should be obvious that Miss Stella is looking forward to another year at Mrs. Brownlee's preschool.  She is also excited to start dance again, and although she has been wanting to do gymnastics this year we decided to compromise on a tumbling class taught at her dance studio.  And it must be noted how excited the big sister is for her new baby to arrive.  She asks almost daily how much longer until our sweet little girl gets here and can't wait to be my big helper.

Love this little graduate || Bathing beauty

She loves her trampoline

Saying: 

After helping grandma Carole clean up the house: "If you don't help clean up you go to time-out, and that's the truth!"

While pretending to bake a cake: "I just have to add 25 scoops of magic!"

Stella was wanting me to make up a story at bedtime and said "Let's tell a story with our voices, not with books."

After visiting Papa Paul's dad's house here in Twin and spending a few minutes admiring all of their lovely trinkets she exclaimed "This is a magical place!"

Referring to a slightly balding man on the the Ensign cover: "He's like my dad!"

The girls were racing and when Eliza won she exclaimed she got first place.  In response Stella says "Well I got next place!"

Stella was upset that she couldn't see her book in the dark car.  Soon after she dropped the book on the floor and exclaimed, "Well now I have another problem!"

We were eating pizza at Costco one afternoon when a nice old man teasingly asked Stella for a bite of her pizza.  After he left she said, "Paul always asks me for a bite.  Joni used to be married to your dad, but he died.  But it's okay because he'll always be your dad!"

Nearly every day she says, "Liza, why are you so cute?!"

Each week at preschool Stella learned about a different letter.  On S day she exclaimed, "I've been waiting my whole life of everyday I went to school to learn about S!"

About six months after our first visit to Paul's dad's home Stella randomly says, "When are we going back to Paul's mom and dad's house?  That place is very...very...perfect."

"I can't wait to grow up and be a mom and do what moms do like wash dishes, cook food, drive the car and get kids dressed."

Stella: "When I'm a mom can I have a car?  How can I get one?"

Taryn: "You will have to save your money to buy one."

Stella: "But I'm saving my money for a bike!"

"Mom, I'm just thinking about what Heaven is like."

Stella: "Dad, do you love yourself....Liza, do you love yourself...Mom, do you love yourself?"

Taryn: "Most of the time..."

Stella: "Like when you don't look crazy?"

While swimming one day:

Stella: "Mom, your eyelashes came off!"

Later that day...Stella: "Did you get new eyelashes?"

Mom: "Well I cleaned off my old makeup."

Stella: "So you won't be scary?"

Stella: "Mom, I can't wait to go on a mission."

Taryn: "Where are you going to go?"

S: "Sun Valley.  Can you get a map so we can find where that is?...What do girl missionaries wear?"

T: "Dresses and skirts."

S: "Oh perfect."

While dressed up in a tutu, crown and high heels she exclaimed, "The queen is tired of wearing these shoes."

We walked next door and on the way home Stella decided to jog.  When we got back inside she said, "Woah, I'm so sweaty!  That was one crazy workout."

"I'll help potty train Liza, so then it won't be so hard!"

We were talking about golfing one day with some of my cousins and she says, "I'm too little to golf and I don't have any golf balls.  But my dad has balls....(long pause)....golf balls."

We were at the bank drive-thru and Stella noticed the other cars being helped.  "That is so amazing that girl can help everyone!  How does she do that?"  I tried to explain the bank teller's job and she says, "Wow, she is just amazing!"

On our way to visit great grandma Tresa and grandpa Norman:

Eliza: "I don't know grandma Tresa....what does she talk like?"

Stella: She sounds very olden...she is very old and she is going to die soon."

(Sorry if you are reading this grandma!  We explained that your aren't going to die anytime soon!)

We were at Ross Park Drive-in with Taigen and Grady, and Stella decided that she was the mom and we were all her kids.  She went to each of us and gave us a hug or a pat on the arm and said something nice:

"Ryan, you are my strongest and bravest son...Taryn, you are my perfect daughter....Grady, you are my lovely son....Taigen, you are my daughter of peace...Eliza, you are my cutest daughter in the whole world!"

Her friend Bridger from preschool wasn't going to be back for the rest of the year and she told me, "Bridger won't be joining us for the rest of the week!"

While driving to my aunt Joan and uncle Randy's house we drove by their granddaughter Piper's house and I pointed it out to Stella.  She says, "So she lives by her grandma?  That's very strange!  I don't live by my grandmas!"

"Mom, I need to tell you something that you're going to want to forget very quickly...I spilled some water one your floor."

After telling me something that she wanted me to remind Ryan about later she said, "Don't forget mom!  Put it in your brain so you remember!"

After putting the girls to bed, Ryan went back in to remind them to be quiet and go to sleep.

Stella: "Why are you holding that towel?"

Ryan: "I'm doing the dishes."

S: "Oh, what's mom doing?  Is she watching a movie?"

R: "No, she's helping me."

S: "Oh.  You guys are great!"

The girls were watching the Fox and the Hound together in the living room and I overheard this conversation:

Stella: "The fox and the hound are little and are friends right now, but when they grow up they will forget they are friends...but that will never happen to us, will it Liza?"

While reading a book and coming across the word bouquet: "I love that word!  It's my favorite word because it's so fancy!"

I told the girls I was getting in the shower and told the girls to be good.  Stella says, "Okay, we won't fight and I'll make sure Eliza is very safe!"

After a little chat with one of the other dentist's kids at the office Stella says, "That was a really great hang out!"

Eliza and Stella were playing Frozen and Stella told me I could be Olaf "because your tummy looks like Olaf's big middle ball."

The girls love to listen to a country song called "That's What I Love About Sundays," and Stella was singing along and replaced one word.  In the song it talks about eating chicken and baked beans and Stella says, "Have some chicken and some black beans!"

I just love my girl.  She is so wonderful in so many ways, and although it has only been four and a half years I already feel some regret about how I have done as her mother.  As we have spent the last couple of weeks potty training Eliza, I can see the ways in which I have relaxed and let go of the control I really never had as a mother.  I think of the days spent potty training Stella and the unnecessary pressure I put on both of us.  I feel shame and sadness about how I handled some of the tough moments that came with that situation and many others.  I am a perfectionist and unfortunately that character trait didn't disappear when I became a mother.  In fact, it was probably amplified in many ways.  While I can't say I am now doing everything right (nor will I ever), I am proud of the growth that has come as I have mothered my two little girls.  I am much better at letting things go and accepting the fact that I will never be a perfect mother or have perfect children.  Poor Stella is our guinea pig, and I just pray she will always be as forgiving to us as she is now.  We are trying to do it all the right way, but we are certainly doing some things wrong.  My biggest fear is doing something to diminish her bright spirit and lovely personality.  I hope she knows that I am trying my best every single day, and that I know she is, too, and that in the end we will figure it out together.