The Other Side

Human nature is a funny thing.

We want what we want with all our hearts, and then when we have it we start wanting what's next or what used to be.

This isn't always the case, of course.

Sometimes those deepest desires are just what our souls need and will bring us some level of contentment and happiness for a long time to come.

But often times we stand idle, with our fingers wrapped around the fence and our eyes looking longingly at the beautiful, vibrant landscape that seems far superior to the little plot of land we are standing on.

The grass always seems a bit greener on the other side.

So you decide to hop the fence.

Maybe just for a day or two, but you decide to check out "the other side" for just a bit, to see if it really is as beautiful as it seems.

And the truth is, usually it is not.

You suddenly start to notice the weeds that need picking or the grass that needs mowing.

Your little plot of land, humble or grandiose as it may be, is looking better and better over on your side of the fence.

Yesterday I had the chance to play working mom for the day.

I attended a dietetics conference down on campus, which meant Stella played at a friends all day since dad is finishing up finals.

I was excited to go dip my feet in the waters of the professional world again for such a short period of time.

I fully expected to walk away ready to find a job and figure out how to make mommy hood and career work for our family.

And while one day at a conference can't exactly compare to a week working a real job and interacting with clients or patients, I walked, no ran, away thinking how much I love my little life at home with my little girl.

I know working isn't always a choice for a mother or her family.

And some of you might feel that grass of the working world is superior to the other options you might have.

And that is fine.

But yesterday my grass seemed a little extra green and my days full of runny noses, nap times, and blowing bubbles was suddenly the sweetest of views.

I missed my girl and was so excited to see her after almost ten hours apart.

She wasn't quite as excited as I pictured her being, but I think deep down she missed me too.

I am grateful for such a little reminder of perspective and priorities.

In many areas of my life they both need to be better, but in some I guess I am doing alright.

As of today, okay this minute, I am officially VBACing.

I met with a specialist who is now officially my doctor.

Now that I am on "the other side" of the birthing spectrum, I am not sure how to feel.

I am still nervous and already feel like maybe I am making the wrong decision.

But there are moments when I feel calm and peace about it, and I remind myself that things will work out how they should.

I still have time to hop back over the fence if I want.

My new doctor, who is qualified and kind but nothing like my old one who I loved, says I can change my mind at anytime.

Like tomorrow or at 38 weeks or during labor, and I will get my c-section.

I know I will regret it if I don't do what I can to go down this route, but for some reason this decision that I thought was going to be so easy has turned into a very, very hard one.

The grass is always greener...