Stella Rose Palmer

(This post was actually written on November 15, 2010 after an emotional breakdown about not having written down Stella's birth story.  That being said it is as accurate to times and feelings as memory allows!)

Stella Rose Palmer was born Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 11:03 am.  Because I was scheduled for a c-section that day we were about 99.9% sure that when we left our house that morning we wouldn't return without a baby.  I must say that is one weird feeling!

My mom had arrived on the Friday prior to Stella's arrival.  We spent the weekend running a few final errands, cleaning the house, and attending church.  It was so nice having her around to try and help calm my fears, because trust me, they were at an all time high in the days leading up to the birth.

I was pretty much a nervous wreck the entire week before I knew the c-section was scheduled.  I was suddenly feeling the full magnitude of what was about to take place.

What if I wasn't capable of being a good mother?

What if I couldn't take care of her?

What if I didn't want to?

What if I didn't even like her?

I am sure the thoughts are normal for a first time mom, but at the time I was just very emotional.

On Monday night Ryan gave me a wonderful blessing of comfort and protection for what I was about to experience.  Those words helped to calm me some and I attempted to get some sleep.

We spent a long time lying in bed talking (maybe I was still crying) about what was about to happen to us.

It was our final night as a family of two and we couldn't have been happier about that.

The next morning we awoke bright and early to get to the hospital by 7:30.  My c-section wasn't actually scheduled until about 9:00 am, but my doctor wanted me there early in case she finished the surgery before mine earlier than planned.

Once we got to the hospital I checked in at Labor and Delivery.  I had filled out some of my paper work before hand, but still had to do some before they could take me back to prep me.

My mom had come with us to the hospital, but had to stay outside in the waiting room due to the room being too small.

They had me change into the hospital gown and then hooked me up to the monitors.

The residents came and introduced themselves, asked me some questions and had me sign more papers.

Then the anesthesiology resident came in and had us sign even more papers for the epidural.  They were putting in an epidural before trying to turn the baby so I wouldn't feel them pushing on my stomach, and thank goodness they did!  The anesthesiology resident was actually LDS and was very comforting and supportive of us.  During the actual surgery he made sure Ryan knew when to take pictures and video, and he even took a few pictures for us.

They had to do my IV THREE!!! times which is  not good for anyone, but especially not me.  I almost passed out each time, but thankfully didn't.  That and the epidural were the worst parts!

Finally at about 10:00 am they took me to the OR to get my epidural.  They wanted me to already be in the OR prepped and ready for the c-section in case they couldn't turn the baby (which they were pretty sure wasn't going to happen).  Once I was in the OR they had me sit with my legs over the side of the bed to start the epidural.  I was shaking sooo bad, it was weird and I felt kind of dumb like I was shaking just because I was so scared.  But they told me that was normal and gave me a warm blanket to put on my legs.

After about 15 minutes of working on the epidural and me starting to get sick and feeling like I was going to pass out, they let me lay back down to try.  They wouldn't let Ryan be in the room during this time, but my nurse and even my doctor were very encouraging and kept me focused and breathing.  Finally they got it in after about 30-40 minutes.  Ryan was outside at this point getting a little bit nervous, but they let him in as soon as they were finished and by then I was already pretty much completely numb. 

At this point my doctor and about what I swear seemed like 50 other people came into the OR to try the version.  I was a little nervous for this, because I didn't know what it would feel like or if it would work.

In a way I think I didn't want it to work just because if it didn't that meant I would be meeting my little girl very soon!

Ryan sat by my side dressed in his space suit and held my hand as my doctor used every ounce of strength she had to try and maneuver Stella to the right position.  She started to move a little bit the first and second time, but after the third try her heart rate dropped to about 60 and Dr. Turner pretty much said no way, we are doing the c-section NOW!

The next few minutes were kind of a blur.  I got a little scared because everyone started rushing around getting instruments ready, putting gloves on, and putting the sheet up.

I was worried about Stella's little heart, but she continued to be on the monitors and her heart rate picked back up rather quickly. 

At this point Ryan text my mom really quick and told her that we couldn't turn the baby and the c-section was happening right then.  Later she told us she had started to get a little nervous after not hearing from us for a little while since my epidural took so long.

Basically from the time they put the sheet up, made sure I was numb, and started cutting it felt like 10 minutes at the most.  Someone told us to listen for Dr. T to say uterine and that meant she was cutting into my uterus and the baby would be out really fast after that.  As soon as we heard it Ryan stood up to video.  About a minute later I heard the sweetest sound in the world- my little girl's first cry! 

Wow, it was amazing.  As soon as I heard it I teared up.  Dr. T yelled that she looked just like me and was so sweet.  They handed her to the pediatrician and he walked by me and held her up for me to see.

Ryan followed them to the warmer where they were cleaning her up and weighing her.  All of this was happening at the top of my head and so I couldn't see anything, but I was just trying to listen and ask questions.  That meant I really didn't pay attention to what the doctors were doing to me.  I could feel tugging and pulling the whole time (including when they were getting Stella out) but it never hurt and I really didn't think about what was actually happening to my body at all.

While they were cleaning Stella up they kept telling Ryan that her legs wouldn't be like that forever.  They were talking about her froggy legs that most breach babies get.  It was pretty funny to watch the video and see her legs just automatically find that position whenever the nurse let go of them.

They weighed and measured her (6 pounds, 4 ounces and 19 inches long) and then wrapped her up for me to see.  Ryan brought her over to me and I just couldn't believe how beautiful she was and how much I loved her!  I had been worried about how I would feel not giving birth the natural way.  I will admit that it is still something I hope to experience one day, but knowing that you have a healthy baby and that everything went smooth is the greatest feeling of all.  I know that this was the safest way for Stella to join the world, and I am just grateful for modern medicine that allowed us to be prepared for the situation.

After I was all sewn up and sitting up again they let me hold Stella some more.  Because of my requests and because of how well she was doing they let me bring her with me to recovery and try and feed her and do skin to skin.  This was something that was really important to me and that doesn't happen very often after a c-section.

I held on tight as they wheeled us down the hall to recovery and I just couldn't believe I was holding my little girl.  When we got into the room I held her for about 15 more minutes and then we tried to start feeding.  At this point I was starting to feel really tired and the feeding didn't really go great, but I did do some skin to skin.  At this point they let my mom come back and see Stella and it was so special to have her there to see her first grand baby after only such a short time of life.

After about an hour or so Stella's temp was starting to drop so they had to take her back up to the nursery.

Ryan stayed with me for a little while and then went back upstairs to help give her a bath and get her ready for me to come up.  It took about two hours or so until I could go up to my postpartum room and during that time I just remember being soooo thirsty!  I feel like I have never been so thirsty in my entire life, but they would only let me have ice chips.  I was also really tired.  Like exhausted.  So I tried to rest a little bit. 

I don't think I did a very good job, because I was texting people and talking on the phone to a few as well.

When I finally got to my room I met my nurse and they got me into my new bed.  I really couldn't walk at all, because my legs were still really numb.  They stayed numb for a while.  I don't think  I got out of bed until the next afternoon, because I had a catheter and wasn't feeling up to trying to move anyways.

They brought Stella back in and I tried to feed her again.

After a little while we got on Skype with the families to show off our little girl.  It definitely wasn't the same as having them there with us, but I am grateful for the technology that allowed them to at least see and talk to her that day.

Our hospital stay was very nice.  I enjoyed spending time with just my sweet baby and husband and mom.  We had a few visitors, but nothing too crazy.  Plus having the nurses there to take care of things and teach us what to do was so comforting.

Ryan stayed the night with me each night even though it wasn't too comfortable for him.It worked well because during the day he could go over the to school (about 10 ft away) when he needed.  He even went and took a quiz or something the day she was born!  The first night we kept Stella in the room with us the entire time, but the following two nights we had her in the nursery and then they would bring her to us when she was ready to eat.  She did really well in the hospital and was letting us get about 4 hour stretches of sleep before needing to eat again.  Once we got home...now that was a different story.

My mom would go home each night with the car- she was brave and used our GPS to get where she needed to go.  She would come back each day around 9 or 10 am and hang out with me and Stella while Ryan was at class.  Usually Ryan didn't last very long at class, though :)

I worked with the lactation consultants a lot while I was there and started to get the hang of nursing. I didn't have to give her any formula in the hospital at all which was how I wanted things to go, so overall I was happy with how nursing went while in the hospital.

Overall I thought our care was really great.  Our nurses were all very friendly and helpful, and I knew what to expect with the food before I got there.  I ended up ordering the same thing every single day, but also ate some food that was brought in from the outside too.

On Thursday Kyrsten and Taigen arrived.  Ryan picked them up from the airport and got pizza while he was out.  They all came back to the hospital and they loved on Stella while we ate pizza and watched The Bachelor online.  It is a fun memory.  Taigen had a bit of a cold so we made her wear a surgical mask.  She looked great and wasn't too mad about it :)

Because I had a c-section I had to stay in the hospital for 3 days.  It was finally time to go home on Friday, January 29 and although I was excited to get out of the hospital and no longer have people knocking on my door every hour starting at 6 am, I was also very scared to take this little baby home and be responsible for her every need.  Stella was so tiny when we left weighing only 5 pounds, 11 ounces!

Getting home was probably the most eventful part of the whole process.  We wanted to wait for Ryan to be done with class so he could leave with us, so by the time it was finally time to go it was about 3:00pm.

We got Stella ready to go and everything packed up and we couldn't find the parking ticket.  Because we were a patient at the hospital they would validate our ticket to only have to pay like $5, but without a ticket we had to pay like $40.  So we all started frantically searching for the ticket and getting a little stressed.  Finally Ryan ran back to the car (quite a ways away) and found it.  Since he was already at the car we just had him drive around to the front to pick us up.  We figured we would be able to put Stella in her car seat and get her all snuggled in and warm before we went outside to the freezing cold, but for some reason they made me hold Stella in my arms on the wheelchair ride down.  This wouldn't have been a really big deal except we had never put her in the car seat before which is kind of stressful the first time around.  The front was really busy and Ryan couldn't even pull up very close so between trying to get me in the car and situated and a new baby strapped in and bundled up it was a bit of a stressful situation.

To top it all off we headed straight to the pharmacy on campus to pick up the prescriptions we had called in ahead of time that I would need at home.  When Ryan went in to pick them up they wouldn't give them to him without me signing a paper so he brought it out I signed it and he took it back in.  Once he took it back in they told him not all of the prescriptions had been filled due to some of them not being able to be done over the phone.  They wouldn't be ready for about an hour (which is when they closed) and we didn't want to have to wait in the freezing cold, with the car on, with a brand new baby who was going to have to eat soon!  Frustration to the max!!!  Instead of waiting Ryan drove us home as quick as possible, dropped us off, and then turned around and drove back hoping the pharmacy would still be open to pick up the prescriptions.

Good news is he made it, bad news is we were all a little flustered after the fact.

Taigen and Kyrsten had made welcome home signs and were so excited for us to get there, but after two trips to the bathroom in less than an hour I knew I couldn't keep going up and down the stairs much longer.

That created a whole new emotional breakdown for me...but thanks to a loving husband and good friends we made a little retreat in our bedroom and I just stayed upstairs for most of the next few days.

The next couple of weeks were a bit of a blur, but we got through them with help from our wonderful family and friends.  While some moments were hard along the way, having a new baby was the best thing that has ever happened to me and I can't wait to add more little ones to our family in the future!

We love you Stella Rose!