The First Heartbreak

Today my first baby was supposed to start kindergarten.  It was sort of a big deal to both of us.  She has been counting down the years, months, and days until she could officially call herself an elementary student.  Today the paper-chain countdown hit zero, and she woke up with pink, swollen eyes.  

Ryan and I knew we couldn't send her to school.  She was obviously suffering from pink eye, and infecting the entire class probably isn't the best way to start things out.  But I knew she was going to be absolutely crushed.  We sat down with her and explained the situation.  She cried.  I cried.  We hugged as we talked about why she couldn't go.  And I realized that the hard stuff is starting.  This first little heartbreak is a small thing in the grand scheme of life, but it's one of the first problems that I can't simply solve with a band aid or a snuggle.  And the thought of all the much larger heartaches and disappointments that are still to come puts a lump in my throat and a pit in my stomach. 

I expected this morning to be hard, but it was difficult in a different way than I anticipated.  I was expecting to cry because I was leaving my baby at school, but instead I cried because I wasn't.  Stella was upset, and rightfully so, but I was so impressed by the maturity she showed today.  She shed her tears, but then she put on a brave face and went on with her day.  She is wonderful and she is ready for the next step.  I can't say I'm all in quite yet, but I know the stuff that is coming next-- yes, even the hard stuff-- will make us better, and hopefully make our relationship stronger in the process.

Onward and upward, my Stella girl.