May Angels Lead You In

This is the story of the day our Ivy Jo came into the world.  To some it may seem like a grand entrance, to others it may seem fairly typical.  To me it was an unexpected and beautiful day full of physical pain, the highest of emotions and, of course, angels.

On Saturday, November 15, Ryan worked a half day and I decided to put up Christmas with the girls.  I had originally planned on doing it the 22nd, but we were home that morning and I just decided to go for it.  Every year I imagine the picture perfect scene of the family gathered around the tree, hanging the final ornament in just the right spot and the dad lifting the youngest child to the top of the tree where the star is finally placed.  Well, we don't even have a star on the top of our tree, and with two little girls under the age of five the far too many hours spent stringing lights and hanging stockings always turns into complete chaos and puts me in a bad mood real quick like.  I'm not sure why I let it happen this way every single year.  I really need to lower my holiday cheer expectations.  But Christmas was up and thankfully so!

Sunday was spent in our usual manner: church and lots of down time.  The girls watched an American Girl movie on t.v. and Eliza fell asleep.  She never naps anymore and looked so sweet slumbering in her princess gown.  Stella spent the majority of the movie in her own ballet costume practicing for some grand performance.  I was getting tired just watching her go!  As is the case most days, I was in and out of a group message with my mom and sisters.  They were asking how I was feeling and when I thought baby girl might show up.  I told them I really had no idea, as I had been having irregular contractions for the better part of a month and knew there was a good chance she could come early thanks to my history.  I just really didn't want to get my hopes up that she would come before her scheduled c-section on December 9th.  Plus, I was barely 36 weeks and knew my doctor really wanted me to get to full term.  I told them I had decided I wanted her to come on Saturday, November 22.  I would be exactly 37 weeks and figured I would be out of the hospital in time to have Ryan's family over for Thanksgiving.  Ryan and I ended the night watching one of the final episodes of "How I Met Your Mother."  In the episode one of the characters goes into labor and I remember telling Ryan that I wished I was doing the same thing.  We finally went to bed around midnight, and I was looking forward to the next morning and my scheduled prenatal massage and pedicure.  Between a little pampering and a my 36 week OB appointment later that afternoon, I was set to make Monday, November 17th, one last day of "me time."

And then I woke up in the middle of the night with "back pain."  I didn't think much of it being 9 months pregnant, and got up to move around a bit and fell back asleep.  I woke up again around 5 am with the same back pain and after going to the bathroom and trying to no avail to get comfortable again, I headed to the couch to see if sitting up to sleep would do the trick.  And that's when I realized this back pain was coming in spurts and kind of causing me some serious discomfort and sort of really starting to feel like contractions.  My mind started racing as I thought about the possibility that we could be meeting our baby girl even sooner than planned, but I still wasn't ready to get my hopes up.  I decided to start timing them just in case, and I was both anxious and excited as every 5-8 minutes another contraction would start in my lower back, near my tailbone, and radiate around to the front.  I was having back labor again, just like I did with Eliza. 

From 5:20 to 6:15 I moved around the dark living room, dimly lit by the light of that Christmas tree I had decided to put up only two days before.  I was changing position as needed, warming up a heating pad, and crying tears of discomfort, fear, excitement and surprise.  Finally I realized that if this was really happening I should probably shower...and pack a hospital bag...and do some laundry...and put the car seat together...and wake up my still sleeping husband.  I decided laundry needed to happen first, so at around 6:30 Ryan awoke to me carrying laundry in and out of our room.  He seemed slightly confused and asked what in the world I was doing.  I replied that we might be having a baby today, so I just wanted to get caught up.  After a quick shower the contractions were coming every three minutes and definitely getting stronger, so I knew this was probably the real thing. Soon I was finding a friend to watch the girls and calling my mom to let her know she might want to start making the 2.5 hour journey to Idaho in the next little while.  The timing of going into labor early on a Monday morning couldn't have been more perfect.  I had been nervous at the thought of needing to go to the hospital in the middle of the night and not knowing who to call to watch my kids.  Instead it was 7:30 am before I had to call anyone and Mondays are Ryan's day off so he was home to help with everything.  

I wasn't sure if we should tell the girls what was happening just in case we didn't end up having the baby that day, but Ryan explained the situation as they were eating breakfast and all I could hear from the other room were excited squeals and little feet jumping up and down on the kitchen floor.  Saying goodbye to my babies is always the hard part, but they were so excited at the idea of meeting baby Ivy that I couldn't feel too sad.  We quickly knelt and had one last prayer as a family of four, before Ryan took them, and I was left to finish packing and get ready.  I could not focus for the life of me and kept going from room to room doing random things, but not really getting anything accomplished.  By the time Ryan returned home around 8:30 my contractions were coming every 1-2 minutes and he could tell I was in pain.  He kept saying we needed to go to the hospital right then, but I kept thinking of one or two more things I needed to get done.  I wanted to eat a little something (even though I knew I was likely having a c-section and shouldn't eat anything) and have Ryan give me a blessing before we made the five minute journey down the road to the hospital.  After making it only halfway through my bowl of cereal before multiple contractions had me down on the ground on all fours, Ryan was pretty much driving away without me.  We hurried and calmed ourselves for the blessing, and then we were off to have a baby!

We checked in at Labor and Delivery around 9:00 am still feeling unsure of what was to come.  I put on my lovely hospital gown and settled in for an uncomfortable few hours confined to a hospital bed. The nurse kept asking me if I was planning on the repeat c-section or if I wanted to try and VBAC. I told her I would love to VBAC, but I was pretty certain sister was breech.  Out came the ultrasound machine to confirm what we already knew- Ivy girl was head up, just like her older sisters.  For some reason my body just likes to make breech baby girls who like to show up sometime around 36 weeks!

 When it was time for the nurse to check me for progress, I was sure I would be on my way to being ready for baby to arrive.  Between the irregular contractions I had been having since conference weekend and the fact that I felt like the contractions were as strong or stronger than those I experienced during Eliza's labor (I was a 4+ after laboring for eight hours), I was confident that I would be at least somewhere around a 2 and be told that baby girl was coming today!  So to say I was a bit disappointed when the nurse announced I was almost completely closed still would be an understatement.  I am pretty sure I wanted to cry, but ended up holding it in.  In that moment I was certain I would be taking the walk of shame back out of L&D with no baby to speak of and lots of remaining pain from the contractions that weren't going away.  Due to my urine sample showing signs that I could possibly be dehydrated (which could in turn be causing the contractions) the doctor ordered IV fluids and for me to be checked again in an hour.  I knew if I started progressing during that time I would be having the c-section, but because I was barely 36 weeks they wanted to make sure this was really what my body was doing and wouldn't let me walk around to try and keep things moving forward.

The next forty-five minutes were full of intense contractions and discomfort.  At this point the contractions were nearly on top of each other, and baby girl's heart rate was starting to dip with each contraction.  The nurse showed up to check me again and, hallelujah, I was between a 1 and 2.  She also said that if my contractions and baby girl's response kept up like this that I might be jumping my place in line.  There were scheduled c-sections at 11:00 and 1:00, so there was a chance I would be squeezed in between the two.  After chatting with the doctor about the risks of having an early baby, the risks of aspiration during surgery (due to my pre-hospital meal), and his declaration that I was now dilated to almost 3 it was clear baby was coming soon.  

Around 12:30 pm Ryan was gowning up and I was being wheeled towards the operating room.  My spinal was placed by a CRNA, and he did such a great job.  My two previous spinals have taken over twenty minutes and ended in me having it placed while lying on my side due to almost passing out.  This time he got it in on the first try and I stayed calm through the entire process.  Soon the drapes were up and Ryan was brought in to sit by my side.  We gave some final guesses as to what we thought she would weigh, and I tried to ignore the pulling and tugging going on behind the sheet.  After a few minutes Ryan stood up to watch our sweet girl enter the world at 1:04 pm.  Her cry was music to my ears and I just felt so much peace and warmth as I saw her for the first time.

Ryan followed her to the other side of the room where she was weighed, measured and cleaned up.  Five pounds, nine ounces and 18 inches long - just like her big sister, Eliza.  I was so worried that she would be rushed to the NICU due to her early arrival, but everything was checking out great so far and Ryan was able to bring her over to the table where they were stitching and cleaning me up.  Oh touching and kissing her sweet face was the best thing ever.  It is just as amazing the third time as it was the first two.  The time had come for her to head over to the NICU for her six hours of mandatory monitoring due to her preterm arrival.  I was heartbroken to think that I wouldn't see her for so long, but they assured me they could wheel me over to the NICU as soon as I was finished in recovery.  Ryan left with the baby, and I spent the next hour letting the spinal wear off enough to move my toes and go see my baby! 

The NICU ended up being a great experience as my bed was wheeled into her private room and I was able to spend the entire five hours holding her skin to skin.  She had to be poked and prodded a bit while we were in there, but I was so grateful to be able to hold her and love her and start nursing during that time.

We planned to be moved to our postpartum room around 7:00 pm and had told our moms to come bring the girls up to the hospital around that time.  Of course things seem to move slower than you plan in the hospital and it was nearly 8:00 pm when we were finally wheeled out of the NICU and to our room.  The girls were so excited to meet their sister and were slightly heartbroken when the nurse wheeled the empty bassinet in first. But baby Ivy and I were soon to follow in my big hospital bed and they couldn't wait to get their hands on her (along with two loving grandmas!)  I read the other day that you shouldn't be holding the new baby the first time your children meet them.  Well I had no clue and both times I have been holding the new baby at the first meeting.  Thankfully it doesn't seem to have had any lasting effects on the sisterly bond.

Grandmas and sisters spent the next hour loving on our sweet Ivy girl, and I just enjoyed the view from my bed as the feeling in my legs slowly came back.  These moments will forever be etched in my mind and heart, and I get emotional just looking at all of the love in these photos.  My life is so full of goodness and happiness, and that is in large part thanks to these people.  

While a hospital stay is never very restful, the fact that Ivy had to have her glucose levels checked every 2-2.5 hours during the first 24 hours made for lots of interruptions and little sleep.  During one of my short spurts of sleep I had a special experience that once again assured me of the presence of angels in my life.  Sometimes it is easy to feel like those we love and have lost are so far away, missing the special and important moments of our lives.  But then we get glimpses of their closeness and remember that they are never far at all.  As I drifted in and out of sleep that first night I had a dream that reminded me just how close those angels were that day.  In my dream I was laying in my hospital bed looking towards the door of my room that was covered by the privacy curtain.  My nurse was standing at the side of the curtain and suddenly pulled it back to reveal a group of around ten people wearing beautiful white clothes and smiling at me and my new baby girl.  The image only lasted a matter of seconds and I don't remember the specifics of any one's faces or how many there were, but as I awoke I knew that those were the angels who had helped our Ivy make it to our family safely.

The next day and a half were full of visitors and trying to recover.  The girls loved coming to see Ivy each day in between preschool and dance class, and we were able to have a few friends visit as well.  Ryan and I enjoyed a little date night of Chinese food and "How I Met Your Mother" on Netflix, complete with the chocolate chip cookies and milk the hospital brought to our room each night.  Of course miss Ivy joined the party snuggled up on our chests.  She is the best party crasher.

While we had the name Ivy picked for quite some time, it took us a bit longer to decide on her middle name.  Finally the day after she was born we knew we needed to decide.  Our girls all have a family name as their middle name, but I was having a hard time finding something that both sounded good and looked aesthetically pleasing to me.  I had thought of the idea of "Jo" after both my mom (Joni), her twin sister (Jodi), and their mom, my grandma Carole JoAnn.  It wasn't exactly a family name, but it was the one that was sticking out the most to me and that I really liked the best.  Ryan wasn't completely sure at first, but in the end we both agreed that it felt like the best fit.  

And then it was time to dress up our Ivy Jo up and take her home to begin our adventures as a family of five.  And the truth is it's been busy and a little chaotic and a lot exhausting since then. But from the very first moment she has brought such an increase of love to our lives, mine especially. I feel more love for my big girls, for my own mama, our families and friends, and my sweet husband.  The dishes might not get done as often, and I certainly don't get as much sleep as I was a month ago, but this feeling is worth it all.  Learning how to love more and love better is worth all of the aches and pains that can accompany a newborn.

We are all kind of obsessed with you, sweet Ivy Jo.