Thoughts for 2013

 

Last year was busy.  2012 brought the culmination of many dreams, a lot of change, and a lot of thinking about who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do with the fresh start I was given.  Change always seems exciting and full of new adventure, and while often times it is, it is also hard and can take longer than you feel like it should to start to feel comfortable again.  But here we are; eight days into a new year, 7 months from our big move from Ohio, and nearly one year since my mom got remarried.  We are still standing, we are still smiling, and I dare say we are even starting to thrive in our new home.

 

I am honestly not entirely sure what I want from the year 2013.  I have goals to achieve and plans that I pray come to fruition, but it seems that most of all I hope for a little stability and pray for the humor, energy, and faith to make it through when the instability strikes (because I know it will).

 

 

I have been thinking a lot lately about the business of being busy.  It’s something that seems to be known both for good and evil these days, especially in my mind.  I am type A.  I like having a schedule, a plan, a routine.  Sometimes being a stay-at-home mom of two little ones who don’t go to school and who participate in very few extra-curricular activities (they are only one and three, after all) can seem overwhelming, both because I have so much to-do and so little.  Awhile back I saw a quote floating around Pinterest that has been on repeat in my mind ever since:

 

Stop the glorification of busy.

 

Yes.  These words were meant for me to see.  Busy will come.  I will have more kids to bathe, more dishes to wash, PTA meetings to attend, carpools to drive.  But right now I don’t, and that is okay.  Having a free afternoon to watch a Disney movie or have a tea party in pretty dresses does not make me less of a mother than the lady in my ward who has five kids and less than two minutes a day to sit down.  In all actuality I am sure that lady probably envies me.  But it is still a battle I fight in my head and that I want to be better about conquering this year.  Because the truth is this is one of the last years of unscheduled life I probably have left.  Stella will start preschool in the fall (who knew I already needed to get her on waiting lists?) and from then on life will take a turn for the busy.  More importantly my sweet first born will be away from me for multiple hours of the week where she will be influenced and taught by many people who are not me.  Right now I should be busy soaking up every moment of her vibrant personality and perfect kisses, not filling me time with the things that don’t matter quite so much.

 

 

 

I am so grateful for the ways in which the past year has shaped me.  I feel like I have grown more comfortable in many of the roles I currently hold- mother, homemaker, friend, and wife.  Of course there are many aspects of each of those titles that I hope to improve on, but I have become much more aware that each and every woman around me is feeling the occasional insecurity, too.  With social media being the way it is, I feel like I read some new article about embracing motherhood, being present, and giving ourselves a break nearly every single day. More people are deleting their Facebook accounts and less people are blogging about every detail of their lives.  I am not saying these people are right or wrong, but I think we are all realizing that life is hard enough without having to worry about all this other “stuff”. Motherhood and womanhood is hard.  We are hard on ourselves and hard on the women around us, but as long as we are focused on what is most important to us as individuals then that is all that matters.  That list of importance may not coincide with your neighbor or your favorite blogger, but that’s okay.  We are all doing our best to forge a happy existence in this unpredictable life.  I know I am going to try a little harder this year to give myself a pass on the really hard days.  To remind myself that I am actually a good mother in the eyes of my children and a good wife at least most of the time.

 

 

 

I am happy to be living this life I have been given.  It is certainly not perfect and neither am I, but along the way I am finding those fleeting moments of perfection.  You know the ones: the sight of your little baby walking haphazardly around the corner with the remnants of a first ponytail on the top of her head.  The late night chats about the future as you snuggle in the sheets with your husband.  The conversations that include talk of piñatas, planets, and tiny baby toes that make up your three year-old’s attempt to delay bedtime just a little bit longer.  It’s a big beautiful mess, I tell  you.

 

 

Photos by Molly Landon