Stella and I are running away to the ocean in a couple of days.
Life is good and summertime is keeping us plenty busy with warm days at the pool; dinners filled with fresh, colorful, and healthy foods; and nights spent falling exhausted into our beds with rosy, sun-kissed cheeks.
But the heaviness of what our lives were like 365 days ago is weighing on my heart.
I push away so many thoughts of the days surrounding my last moments spent seeing, speaking, and being with my dad, that the impending anniversary is suddenly feeling like a huge tidal wave of emotion barreling toward me at an ever increasing speed.
My mom and sisters are running away with us as well, and together we are going to make it through this milestone with tears, laughter, and sand between our toes.
I wish running away from this reality was actually a possibility.
But alas, it is not.
The memories will never die.
Reminders that continue to show up in the most unexpected places will continue to bring with them unexpected tears and anger.
A piece of my heart will never stop hurting.
But run I will.
To the people who understand the most and to a place that brings peace to my soul.
If it wasn't for the husband I am leaving behind, I might be tempted to never come back.
11 comments:
I'll be thinking of you lovely hansen ladies this week. If you have to spend an anniversary like this somewhere, there is no where better than the beach. xoxo.
cant wait to spend the week together. wish we werent dealing with what we are, but since we are we might as well all be together in the sun doing it! i love you. im glad that we can run away together!
Taryn, I hope you know I love ya, and am thinking about you this week! You are such a strong, inspirational person, I always learn so much from you. Have fun on the beach :) -Steph
Oh Taryn, I'm so sorry. I thought you might be having a hard time with it still, but I had no idea it was coming up on the anniversary. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard it must be....I'm glad you have family to support you and a beach to run away to! I'll be thinking of you Taryn. Oh, and you are beautiful writer.
Have a great time. I am glad that you are all running away to spend this hard time together as a family (minus you brother)... Enjoy the beach and your family- and yes... please DO come back- we would miss you if you left us forever! ;) Love ya!
Whenever I go to the ocean I always feel a little closer to heaven. Hope you do, too! If only it wasn't so far away!!
Also, remember that this anniversary doesn't define (or hold a candle to) all the best days you spent together!
love you. hang in there!
ah man...you have such a way with words. yet again, what a beautiful post. you bring tears to my eyes. I love the idea of you all being together. It's amazing how just the "feel" of that time of year brings back those memories so strongly. my dad passed in the fall--and just the falling leaves and the crispness in the air brings out such a heartache. all I can say is that i'm so sorry--i hope you guys make some new beautiful memories...
Thinking of you. Have a great time with your cute family.
I hope you have a good week with your family despite the hard time. It doesn't seem to me like you are running away. Being with your family will be exactly what you need. I'll be thinking of you!!
sorry to hear you're having hard time. the beach is always a good place to escape and reflect.
We just got home last nite so reading your blogg is such a treat for me. Our feeling were much the same as yours.Grandpa didn't say anything. Kelli and I did some talking about the past four years and wondered why it had to happen and of course my tears flowed. But we have so many blessings and memories to be thankful for. We love you all so very much.
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