10 months ago I spoke to my dad for the last time.
Wow.
How does time move so fast and so slow at the same time?
I haven't been documenting every month gone by, but it doesn't mean I still don't count the days or feel a certain emptiness in my heart.
It is easy to forget that he is even gone, rather it seems that when I go home next week I will see him and hug him and talk to him; and yet there isn't a day that passes that I don't anguish over the fact he is gone.
Grief is so confusing, right?
There are so many things that make me think of him, and while at times those reminders can be a tough pill to swallow, I am so grateful for each reminder of his influence in my life.
I remember him when I look at my baby girl.
I miss him when I see the pictures displayed throughout my home.
I long to tell him about the little life growing inside of me.
I hear his laugh and voice when I close my eyes and try to listen for it.
One of my favorite reminders of my amazing dad is the blanket that I have been going to write a post about for a while now.
For Christmas my mom made each of my siblings and I a beautiful patch quilt made of squares cut from my dad's old shirts.
I remember him wearing many of them, and can even think of special occasions when the orange one or the yellow one embraced me in a loving hug.
I wrap Stella up in it and tell her about her Papa Scott.
It will always be special to our family.
For some reason or another I watched our wedding video last week.
Of course there were pictures of my dad and I throughout the years.
From when I was his only little princess to the day he watched me marry my sweetheart in the temple.
But I didn't just see him, I heard him.
There is a little interview section at the end of the video and dad is there, giving us his fatherly advice on what might lie ahead on our journey.
Ha, if only we all knew.
It was a little hard to watch and to hear; but in the end it was special because guess what? I remembered it right.
The voice I hear in my head as I recall memories of happier times really is his.
I haven't forgotten him.
8 comments:
I'm glad you feel so much of your Dad's love in your life. Isn't is great that you have so many ways to remember him and treasure him!
You are awesome, love you!!!
I am lucky enough to have one of those quilts too and as I look at the squares, I see Scott wearing that shirt. Aren't we blessed to have memories and loved ones that want to share those memories with us? Some days, I catch myself remembering so many things of the past and I too, feel so much sadness but then I know he is with us. watching us and marveling at the greatness of his family and the way you are living your lives. He is so proud.
you can imagine my surprise when i saw the first line of this post. somehow the day passed me by without me realizing it was the 25th. im glad you made me remember. i have had kind of a tough week thinking about dad and wishing he was here.
i love my patch quilt blanket!! i snuggle in it every night and love that we have such a wonderful mom willing to make it for us. we are so lucky to have the parents we do.
i love the picture of stella. she is as beautiful as ever.
What a special thing your mom did for you all to make quilts with his shirts. I am sorry that you and your family have such a big load to carry with loosing your dad. I can't even imagine it. You always amaze me at how strong you are and what perspective you have. I am grateful to have you as a friend and as an example.
Wow those blankets are incredible. How special they must be. Thank you for your beautiful words. I love watching old family videos just to hear my sisters voice. It is so refreshing.
What a beautiful post! I'm sitting here at work about to cry...
How sweet of your mom to be so thoughtful of her children and their love for their dad - true love!
What a special item to have. Every time I read about your feelings on your dad I get emotional and it makes me think about my own dad and how I need to savor every moment I have left with him before he goes.
And Stella is absolutely adorable.
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