Year Five

When you first get married everyone seems to remind you that the first year is the hardest.

They say it takes awhile to get used to living with someone of the opposite sex.

They say it is an adjustment becoming part of a new family and integrating the traditions of your childhood with those of your spouses plus a few that belong to just the two fo you.

They say learning the ropes of adult life and the accompanying bills, decisions, and worries can take their toll  on the honeymoon phase.

For us year one was cake.

It was perfect.

Sure we had moments of adjustment and disagreement, and our first major trial came in the form of a cancer diagnosis.

But overall we spent year one working hard to pay the bills, studying hard to get through school, and loving each other like mad.

So we took these first two pictures up one of the canyons near Logan.  It was SO cold and we were standing on the edge of a very snow covered two hundred foot cliff.

Needless to say my knock-off Ugg boots came in handy and my flowers were dead for the rest of the days pictures.

You will see the proof below.

Year two seemed to be just as grand.

We spent a week in Hawaii with wonderful friends.

We continued to work hard at our meager jobs and push through vigorous classes at school.

Ryan began the process of applying for dental school and started the dietetics program.

We were busy, we were poor (ha! we thought we were poor then!), but we were happy and anxious about the next phase of our life.

Year three brought our greatest adventure so far as Mr and Mrs.

We packed and stacked our simple lives into the back of big yellow truck and drove 1800 miles away from everything comfortable and familiar to the place we now call home.

Ryan began the first of four years of dental school and I began my fifth and final year of undergrad.

We discovered Buckeye football and met some of the best friends we will ever have.

We started discovering the East and all it had to offer.

Ryan experienced Wrigley Field and I experienced Wicked.

We were starting fresh and we could do and be anyone we wanted.

Year number four brought paychecks, vactions, and positive pregnancy tests.

We spent precious time together and took a few "babymoons" to destinations like Mexico, Philidelphia, Washington DC, Pittsburgh, New York City, and Connecticut.

I was able to put my hard earned education to use and work as a dietitan for the WIC program.

Ryan continued to work hard and excel in school.

And in January we were blessed with our greatest achievement as husband and wife, Stella Rose.

Year four was exciting, nerve wracking, and life changing.

And suddenly it was year five.

And it was hard.

We were learning to care for and incorporate a child into this carefree, independent life we had created.

Stella and I spent over six weeks away from Ryan.  Not all consecutive and not nearly as long as many, many spouses are seperated.

But hard and draining none the less.

Ryan spent hours studying for and taking a hugely important national test.

My dad's health declined daily.

My dad died.

My brother left on his mission.

Year five was hard.

All of these factors kept building and building and adding up to a life completely changed.

As a couple our relationship had automatically changed the moment we brought that baby home.

Of course it is a change that no one in their right mind would avoid, but it is a change.

We were spending a lot less time together without the little one on our lap, or having her check in through her breaths on the monitor, or having her completely dominating every topic of conversation.

But all those other changes were taking place as well.

And suddenly our relationship was changing too.

We were laughing less.

We were cuddeling less.

We were simply talking less.

I felt as distant from my husband as I ever had in the time we had known each other.

I was sad and confused about a lot of things in life and it was hard to feel like one of them was my marriage and my role as a wife.

And then I decided that it was up to me to make it better.

Life is not going to get easier.

School, kids, death, money- these are all things that are going to keep happening to us.

Life is hard the majority of the time.

And I can't do it alone.

We started talking more.

We started spending more quality time together.

We started to laugh again.

We are far from perfect and we will never, ever be the best we can be.

But I have not felt this close to my husband in far too long.

I feel like we are ready to take on the next set of challenges that come our way.

We are going to have ups and downs as human beings.

We are going to have those same ups and downs as a married couple.

But we can make the changes and decisions necesarry to push forward.

Marriage is wonderful.

That special, intimate, and eternal relationship is worth it.

It is worth fighting for and growing for and changing for.

I love my husband.

He is calm, he is funny, he is smart, he is kind.

I am glad he loves me unconditionally.

I can't say I don't hope year six is a little easier, but I can say that we can do it.

We can make it and we can enjoy it.

Love you forever, JRP.

Happy Anniversary.