Sometimes I Feel Sorry for Myself

Sometimes I feel sorry for myself. Like when it is raining all day outside. Again. Or when it seems like all I have done for two days is clean my house and do laundry, yet it is still messy. When I think about my new and not so desirable calling of ward choir director. When I remember my dad has cancer or that my grandpa is having a pacemaker placed on Thursday. Or the when I do a little blog surfing/stalking and look at one perfect mother/crafter/chef/organizer/decorator after another.

But then I step outside myself and do something that has little to do with my simple and not so simple problems and my outlook seems to shift to a slightly more upbeat disposition.

On a bit of a whim I was able to run in the 5K Susan B Komen Race for the Cure. This is an annual fundraising event for breast cancer research and the festivities held right here in Columbus, Ohio just so happen to be the 3rd largest in the world. My good friend Allyson and I ran alongside 50,000 other men, women, and children who have been touched in some way by cancer. The people running next to and ahead of and behind me each had a story. We each had our own problems, most of which involved a horrid disease, but we each used the anger, grief, and pain associated with cancer to unite in power and strength. It was an emotional morning for me as I realized once again that I am not the only one with problems.

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There were the two sisters who were running in memory of their mom who died from breast cancer. The night before the race. Yes, you read that right. Less than 12 hours after saying goodbye to their moher they ran to remember her fight.

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There were little boys running in memory of their grandmas.

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There was a girl not much older than me running for her best friend who has breast cancer. That best friend is only 29.

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There was a daughter running with her obviously very sick mother and cheering her on with each agonizing step. Beautiful.

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There was a woman who was celebrating the glorious anniversary of 10 years cancer free.

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So today it is raining, but that means the trees and grass are going to be lush and green. I am still doing laundry and picking up my house, but I am lucky enough to have clothes to wear and a roof over my head. I have a scary new calling, but I get the opportunity to serve the Lord using music, something that is so important to me. My dad still has cancer and my grandpa still has a sick heart, but they are LIVING. Those other women may be great, but I have worth and talents and triumphs too.

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In other news...

- The next time you see me I might just look like this:

There are more birds!!! Ahh. Yesterday we found another nest and this morning discovered another two eggs residing within. Seriously, just call me the bird lady.

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-Today is Tuesday and that can only mean one thing. My favorite night of tv. Pathetic I know, but a good dose of American Idol, Glee, and Parenthood just does my body some good. Even better news that our antenna is now picking up ABC and the CW {a little FRIENDS, anyone?}

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-Next Thursday is a pretty big day. It will soon be time to refer to Mr. Jace Hansen as Elder Jace Hansen. Yes, the papers are in and the call is on it's way. The bets have been placed and it seems that people think Jacer could be ending up anywhere from Alaska to Italy. We each got 2 guesses (or more if you are my mom) including one stateside and one out of the country. Let the record show Ryan guessed Alabama and Mexico, Taryn guessed Florida and Australia, and Stella guessed Alaska and Russia (looks like I got more than one guess as well, eh). Best part of the whole thing is that I won't be hearing the news on Skype. Stella and I will actually be sitting with the fam in anticipation as he opens up the big, white envelope! How is that for impeccable timing?

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-The little girl is doing so great. A growing and a changing each and every day, but so much fun! We really have the happiest baby around just giving away her smiles and giggles all day long. Lately she is obsessed with putting everything in her mouth and sucking the daylights out of it. This includes giving herself a hickey on her arm today. She has been trying so hard to roll this past week. She hasn't quite got it yet, but it won't be long now I am sure.

Nursing is still going pretty well. Some days I just start to freak myself out about it and question whether she is getting enough or not. She never really acts hungry or fussy, but sometimes I just don't feel like I have anything in there to give her. This fact and the fact that she woke up every three hours at night for a week made me start supplementing with formula just the tiniest bit. This was a really hard thing for me to do and I basically cried about giving her the 2 oz each night before bed, but she has been sleeping so much better since. And formula really isn't a bad thing so I shouldn't stress. I just do. I would still love to cut out the formula all together and have been trying extra hard to do whatever I can to keep the milk a flowing. Drinking lots of water, feeding every 2-3 hours even if she can go longer, and started taking the herb Fenugreek. If any of you out there have any other tips I would love to hear them. Breastfeeding is really important to me and I want to do it as long as possible and think I will be able to do so, I might just have to work at it a little harder than others.

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-The big boy is doing great as well. He is plowing through this quarter like it is nothing. I am super proud of all his hard work and accomplishments and can't believe he is basically half way done with dental school. The next month and a half is going to be pretty hairy, but then Dr. Ryan gets to start working on real patients every single day. Unfortunately for myself I have a bit of work to be done, but my misfortune is Ryan's gain as he will be able to check of a few requirements and be that much closer to graduation. Still two years away I know, but for some reason it feels like it will be here in no time.

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-As for me...well I think I have fulfilled my narcissistic need enough for one night so I will spare you anymore details of my day to day and just end this marathon post right here!