From The Very First Moment

Today, like each of you, I have been able to reflect on the topic of Motherhood.

Being a mother encompasses so many emotions, thoughts, and descriptions that it can be hard to condense it all into a few cohesive thoughts.

Motherhood is rewarding, yet challenging.

It can be monotonous, yet surprising.

It can be joyful and it can be sorrowful.

It can make you feel insignificant in one moment, and like you are the center of the Universe in the next.

This week when I have thought about motherhood, and parenthood for that matter, I have thought about how from the moment you learn you are going to be a mother everything changes.

Suddenly you are not just taking care of yourself; you are eating, sleeping, and exercising all in the hopes that it will benefit the growing child in your womb.

Instantly you start to worry.

Will I miscarry?

Will the baby have all of it's fingers and toes?

Will the baby be healthy?

Will I love the baby enough?

Will the world be too evil?

Every scenario crosses your mind.

Every prayer is said with pleading words of protection and strength for your new child.

And then that little baby is born, and you keep on worrying.

Maybe they were born completely healthy and you now worry about keeping them away from the germs that are lurking around every corner.

Maybe they were born prematurely and you wonder if they will be able to grow without your help.

Maybe they were born with physical or mental challenges that you weren't expecting.

No matter the circumstances of their birth, you worry for you new child and pray that everything in their life will be of benefit to them.

That they will not have to face trials or hardships or heartaches.

But deep down we know these things will happen.

Our little babies are human and will have to experience the tests of this mortal journey.

They will experience sadness, pain, sickness, and even death.

As a mother it is nearly impossible to accept that this must be so.

From the very first instant we know about them, we want to keep them wrapped up safe in our arms.

I feel like I have experienced the full spectrum of emotions that are part of this earthly life this week.

I rejoiced as one friend announced a pregnancy, and have been mourning with and praying for another dear friend who's pregnancy has ended with a sweet baby who's earthly journey is very unclear right now.

Both of these things have reminded me of the amazing love mothers have for their children.

A love that begins instantly, the moment we see a positive pregnancy test.

I think of my sweet Stella, as well as the little life inside me who I would already give anything to protect.

The love of a mother is unconditional and it is strong.

I am so grateful for the mother's who influence my life daily.

For my own mother who has taught me what true faith is, true service is, true love is.

For a mother-in-law who raised a son like my husband.  Who accepts and loves me even though when it comes to blood we are no more than strangers.

For the grandmothers who raised my righteous parents and created an amazing posterity of strong men and women who understand the importance of family.

For my friends who are mother's; who I am able to laugh with and cry with on a daily basis, because we are going through it all together.

For my cousin who made the ultimate sacrifice as a mother and placed her daughter in a loving home where she would be raised with both a mom and dad.

I know motherhood is such a blessing.

It is a righteous desire that many people I know have, yet they may not be seeing it come to pass as they wish it would.

I almost feel guilty that I am pregnant again.  Like I am being selfish and not waiting my turn to have another baby.  Like I shouldn't be too happy while people I care about are struggling with very wanted babies who now might die, miscarriages, and infertility.

I know I shouldn't feel that way, or that those women I love wouldn't want me to.

But sometimes it all just gets to me.

In the end, however; I can not deny the blessing it is to bear these children.

I definitely held Stella a little tighter tonight as I read her stories and sang her songs before bed.

I will probably pray a little harder tonight that my new baby will be healthy and strong, and that Stella will keep growing like she should.

And I will never stop praying, because I will never stop worrying.

It is just what mothers do.